Away Matches

Every Saturday Eton is invaded. Not by aliens (thank goodness), though if you’re counting tourists then maybe, but by boys from other schools who come to take us on at rugby, football and a host of other sports.

Their being in the school gives the place a different vibe. Whilst you can wander around comfortably during the week, not caring what you look like or who you might see, things change on a Saturday. Go past the Burning Bush then and there's a good chance you'll bump into a visiting sports teams. If so, it's best not to be wearing your tails, for a barrage of verbal abuse is likely to come your way. 'Penguin!’, ‘posh boy!’ and 't**t' are among the most frequent terms of abuse..

Naturally, any invasions of Eton are reciprocated by us as we go and challenge our opponents on their own turf. This sounds like fun, an exciting step into the unknown, but in truth away matches are a pain in the neck. No-one likes them, mainly because it takes time to get there and back, whereas if you're playing at home you can be changed, showered and ringing for a Dominos before 5 o'clock.

The one upside to away fixtures though is missing last div on Saturday. This depends on the proximity of the school in question, but in general proves to be the case. For any away match ‘formal change’ is worn; that is a shirt, a jacket, tie and trousers of your choice. School uniform is unsurprisingly forbidden.

The journey to an away match is normally quite dull. The views are unspectacular - motorway embankments or suburbia - and the unforgiving nature of the coach seats make buttock cramps inevitable. It's a relief to arrive.

Who sits where on the coach is always a big question. Whilst you might think it was a case of cool people at the back and losers at the front, for sports matches it's different. If there is more than one block on the  bus e.g. the 15 As and the 14 Bs, then the older boys will take the rear seats. However, if all teams are from the same block e.g. 16 As, Bs and Cs then, generally, the better players will sit at the back, with perhaps a few wannabes among them.

I remember back in F block the away journeys being quite lively. There was plenty of ‘banter’ and often pranks played on suspecting victims. Nowadays it's different. The mood is sedate, a result of the ubiquity of smartphones which plug everyone into music or TV. A shame in some ways, but not if you like peace like me.

Another characteristic of the away day is the packed lunch. Provided by Bekynton, the school’s main cafeteria, they are neither handmade nor lovingly prepared. Consisting of a supermarket style sandwich, a packet of crisps, confectionery, fruit and a drink, they are very samey and only just edible.

If you can survive the food and the journey, you will eventually pull into the opposition school. This is always a nervy moment as you get the feeling of trespassing into enemy territory. Everyone stumbles off, does a stretch or two and compares the surroundings negatively to  Eton. If it's a co-ed school a group of girls might walk past, which has everyone fumbling with their quiff and posing like a model with hands on hips.

After a few minutes hanging around, someone arrives to direct you the changing room. Usually this is a pokey outpost miles from the fields, with drab whitewashed walls and a severe lack of clothes pegs, which leads to a scramble for who gets to hang up their jacket. Whilst changing a groundsman will enter to remind you of the ‘no boots indoors’ policy, which if you haven't seen the massive signs plastered everywhere means you can't wear boots indoors. Got that? No boots indoors!

One of the advantages of Eton is its very flat pitches. We get accustomed to playing on surfaces nearing horizontal, which unfortunately makes stepping onto anything with a bit of a slope a massive shock. Many of the schools we play against have nightmare pitches, verging on ski slopes in some cases, which sends us into a frenzy of confusion. Nothing else is talked about in the pre-match huddle, and typically the simplistic strategy of ‘don’t concede this half and we’ll do them in the next!’ is decided upon.

Another potential problem of away games is the ref. This is particularly true of rugby, as each referee has his quirks for the scrum and the break-down. Getting used to these can be tricky, and if the ref isn’t the lenient sort then any loss will definitely be put down to bias. Footballers are quick to complain too however - I’ve had teammates who have conceded penalties yet negated all responsibility, even when they've all but hacked the opposition player in two.

An away match is a bit like playing doubles or quits with your emotions, since they feel twice as strong depending on the result. Winning is an incredible feeling; you've gone and beaten the other team on their home patch. But losing is awful. The whole journey back is left for ‘what ifs?’ and bitter regrets.

As a mediocre footballer I’ve had my ups and downs over the years. On more than one occasion I’ve scored the winning goal in a game and been named man of the match! Moments like these give you a sense of invincibility. You can return to your room with the whole weekend ahead of you, a delicious pizza on the way and a movie to be watched.

On the flipside, being the cause of a defeat is gut-wrenching. I remember one match putting the ball through my own net in the dying seconds, handing the opposition the win. Rather than being an unfortunate mistake it was a straight up howler. That was a long journey home.

People often trot out the cliché of ‘it’s the taking part that counts’ or 'you can only try your best'. I understand the sentiment, but it doesn't help much. A better saying  is ‘you win some you lose some’. For everybody, including the best teams, lose at some point. You just have to make sure it happens as little as possible. Especially when you're playing away.