Prayers

This week Tonbridge Boy was tagged in a Facebook video showing him making a speech at someone’s birthday party. First things first, yes I am now Facebook friends with Tonbridge boy,although not out of my own volition. After our meeting at Starbucks during the Easter holidays (which had the Princess involved in a mini love triangle) he requested my friendship on Facebook. Of course, I had already stalked his profile many a time, so there wasn't much else I could gain from it, save a few extra photos and some personal info. But I accepted anyway. Whoopee.

Yes, I didn’t exactly relish the thought of being cyber friends with the boyfriend of the girl I fancied. Now he would be popping up every day on my newsfeed. But what choice did I have? Had I not accepted his request and/or blocked him he would have been sure to tell the Princess, who then would have thought me anti-social. Not wishing to rule out any future chance with her, I begrudgingly accepted his solicitation with the long game firmly in mind. So we are now ‘friends’ (as inappropriate a term for our relationship as there ever has been), which now means I now have to put up with him posting innumerable selfies of himself with the Princess, as well as appearing in videos like the one this week.

In fairness to Tonbridge boy (and I don’t really want to be fair) his speech that appeared in this video wasn't that bad. It wasn’t great – he delivered most of it in a half-shout despite a good microphone – but content-wise it was acceptable. Some reasonably amusing lines and nothing too inappropriate.

Speaking generally, public speaking is a difficult thing to master. I haven’t had much experience of it over my time at Eton, but when I have I've always felt very anxious. Exhilarated as well, but it's not been something I look forward to. It's strange, because speaking in front of twenty of your peers in a normal div is an everyday occurrence, but once you are required to go through the formal process of standing up and delivering a prepared speech to an audience it turns your knees into jelly.

I remember back in E block being asked to read the lesson one morning in Lower Chapel. Five hundred boys staring at me, willing me to trip up and make an idiot of myself, particularly Runty whose stupid face was just metres away from the lectern. I got the Bible passage a few days before the actual occasion, and spent a good two hours going over every line of it. Come the big day I had pretty much memorised it, and despite feeling like the world was spinning around me while I said it and that was voice was different to how I had ever heard it before, I got through it without too many stumbles. Even Runty was gracious enough to congratulate me on my performance afterwards, which was a nice gesture after his previous prediction that I would have a panic attack.

Thankfully this was the only time I was ever asked to read in Lower Chapel. A more frequent obligation to speak publicly, however, for everyone in this case, is at Prayers in the house. Prayers is an event that takes place every evening after supper, and rather than being a moment for actual prayers (get ready for another misleading Eton term) it is when the house meets to be given notices by the housemaster and to discuss important issues. Oh, and it also sees one member of the house stand up and entertain the house in some way for five or ten minutes. So if someone says ‘I’m on Prayers tonight’ it means he’s been asked to be the jester in residence for that night only.

Prayers is kind of a big deal, but not really. That is to say, for the person doing it can be a horrifying prospect (particularly for lowly F blockers) but everyone else's expectations of what to expect are really low.

I remember my own first attempt back in F block. The schedule had been arranged in alphabetical order, and me being at the front of my block meant I was asked to go first. Panicked by the thought of speaking in front of fifty other people, I asked one of the E blockers to help me come up with something. Together we decided that I should read out three weird and wonderful football stories that we found on a sports website. It was a conservative debut all things considering, but my only aim was to get through it without making an idiot of myself. This I managed just about, and I even raised a few laughs while doing so.

However, not every person I’ve seen do Prayers has been so lucky. There have been some horribly misjudged ones, often poorly thought through attempts at stand-up comedy or similar. This type of Prayers is easier to pull off the more senior you are, but when you’re an F or E blocker it is best avoided.

Holding a competition of some sort is a popular choice. This can be in the form of quiz between each block or individuals, or an amusing challenge. Last year, there was a spurt of food competitions in my house – one person coming forward from each block to eat three bananas as quickly as possible, or a packet of digestives, or even more extreme: a super-hot chilli. These are normally good fun, although the chilli one didn’t end so well for one boy who couldn’t eat warm food for two days afterwards, with the remaining boys also complaining of ring sting.

Although Prayers is a bit of a chore to do, and often a pain to sit through too, you can see why the school promotes it. As well as being a tradition, it helps to build house spirit. Most importantly though, it takes everyone out of their comfort zone at least once a half, and gives them the experience of speaking in front of an audience, a valuable life skill no matter what your age. So although personally I dread it when it comes round to my turn to do it, I understand that it is only for my benefit. One day I may be a businessman pitching my product to an audience and I will remember the experience of those many eyes being trained on me. So when my house master tells me that yes, I do have to do Prayers this evening, I guess it's a bit like when my dad shouted ‘It’s for the best!’ as he pushed me down the road on my stabilizer-free bike. Many grazed arms and knees later I can see he was right!